Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Before and After: "The Far Kingdom (Volumes of the Silver Leaf I)"



Say hello to E.W. Saloka, my first client and author of The Far Kingdom (Volumes of the Silver Leaf I). Here's what she had to say about the experience:

"I really like the way you crafted our blurb by asking those basic questions. It made us get to the nuts and bolts of our book and not over think it so much. (I think most writers probably do this and without realizing and  confuse their prospective reader.) You put a different spin on the description and made it sound quite epic. Showing us the 'before' errors was like a light bulb moment,  all I can say is I see it now. Thanks ever so much, Mei."

Thank you, E.W. :) So here are the before-and-afters.

Before:

It's quite a shock to 15 year old Zachary Wellington when he learns that his father, who had been missing for several years was in a far off land when he was murdered.. Soon he and his grandfather find themselves whisked away one winter night to unlock the secrets to his mysterious disappearance. Their journey truly begins when the meet the kind and generous wizard Faazen at Castle Dragmar.. Dangers then unfold for the pair as they become the unwitting targets of the Ice Wizard Rianor, who appears to have an evil agenda of his own. However exciting adventure beckons as Zach finds himself swept up, riding the wind in the Dragon Masters Championship. Meet intelligent dragons, endearing creatures and unlikely champions who challenge themselves,unleashing their inner warrior and finding the hero that lies within. Find courage, honor, and something worth fighting for. Come live the magic that is Brandiss-Dor.

After:

Fifteen-year-old Zach Wellington has lived with his grandfather Thomas since his archaeologist father disappeared years before. Now his dad has turned up dead. A letter in his pocket says he was trapped all these years in a parallel world where magic is real--hard for Zach to believe, until a winged horse appears out of nowhere and whisks both Wellingtons away to Brandiss-Dor, the land where Zach's father died.

Zach wants to discover who murdered his father. Instead, he's pulled into a tug of war between wizards over a powerful medallion that will decide the fate of two worlds: Brandiss-Dor, and our own.

"The Far Kingdom" is the first volume of the new epic fantasy series "Volumes of the Silver Leaf."


Want me to help with your blurb? I can do that.

6 comments:

  1. I don't often tweet about services for writers, but I did pointing people to your site. I think a LOT of us can use your help. :)

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  2. Huge improvement--the book does sound **epic** and very interesting! Really great job Dr. Blurb.

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  3. Thanks, guys! J.R., thanks for spreading the word. I need help getting it out. :)

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  4. Oh wow, that is fantastic. The first blurb had me skimming, the second one makes me want to read the book and I'm not usually a fantasy reader!

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  5. The first one made my brain hurt with its lack of commas. I didn't want to read the book for fear that the rest of the book would have the same issue! The second blurb is much better - more concise, while still giving the reader everything they need to have in order to hook them!

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