New One-Shot: Chelsea Cameron's NYT Best Seller "My Favorite Mistake"

Chelsea Cameron is a repeat customer like whoa. I'm currently working on our fifth book description together, and our first full-fledged collaboration. The previous four were one-shots, where I take a look at the current description, give it as good a shake as I can, ask a bunch of questions, point out weak spots and give the best advice I can to help the author finish the blurb themselves. Chelsea's always been a champ at finishing up a great blurb (scroll down into the earlier posts to find another one-shot I did with her).

My Favorite Mistake is the fourth one-shot I did for Chelsea. Imagine how happy I was for her when I got this email from Chelsea a couple of days ago:

I wanted to tell you that since we last talked, My Favorite Mistake (complete with the blurb you helped me write) has made the New York Times Best Seller list, as well as the USA Today Best Seller list! ...  I just wanted to thank you so much for all your help. I know this book wouldn't have been so successful without your help.

Thanks, Chelsea, it's always fun to work on a blurb with you! Here's the process Chelsea and I went through to get her blurb just how she wanted it.

Before:

Taylor Caldwell is angry, broken and afraid to love. She doesn't want to get burned.

Hunter Zaccadelli is cocky, charming and refuses to love. He's been burned before.

When she opens the door of her new campus apartment to meet her new roommate, Taylor isn't expecting Hunter. Within thirty seconds of their meeting, she knows she wants him gone ASAP. A boy like Hunter with his tattoos, guitar and constant sexual innuendos, is nothing but bad news. Especially when he starts turning up everywhere she goes.

The only problem is, Hunter's not leaving. Not without a fight. He manages to charm their two other roommates, Renee and Darah, but Taylor's not buying it. 

Then Hunter offers Taylor a proposition she can't refuse. If she can make him believe that she truly loves him, or truly hates him, he'll leave. As Taylor struggles to win the bet, she starts getting closer to Hunter and finds there's more to him than his devastating blue eyes and a mouth she can't decide if she wants to punch or kiss.

Hunter has a past, a dark one, but so does Taylor. When Taylor's secret threatens to resurface in her life, in the form of her older sister's ex-boyrfriend, she finds the one person who understands might be the first boy to ever set her heart on fire, and she might be the girl to help him realize love is not a lost cause.

Consultation, with existing/suggested wording in italics and my comments in plain text:

Taylor Caldwell can't decide if she wants to kiss her new college roommate or punch him.

On the one hand, Hunter Zaccadelli is a handsome, blue-eyed bundle of charm. On the other, he's a tattooed, guitar-playing bundle of bad boy. Maybe that's why Taylor's afraid of falling in love with him, or anyone else. She doesn't want to get burned, and even though her other roommates adore him she wants him gone before it's too late.

Hunter himself has been been burned before, but [something specific about Taylor other than her looks or in addition to them] makes him decide maybe love isn't a lost cause. They make a bet: if she can convince him she truly hates him, he'll leave the apartment--and leave her alone. The problem is, the more time they spend together, the less she hates him.

Problems with the last paragraph:

Hunter has a past, a dark one, but so does Taylor. When Taylor's secret threatens to resurface in her life, in the form of her older sister's ex-boyfriend, she finds the one person who understands might be the first boy to ever set her heart on fire, and she might be the girl to help him realize love is not a lost cause.

Dark pasts are cliche. Get a little more specific. What does the ex-boyfriend have to do with it? Start there and make the wording more active. Possibility, with assumptions you'll need to correct:

But when the man who holds the key to Taylor's fear of heartbreak resurfaces and threatens to wreck everything, she has to decide: trust Hunter with her greatest secret, or do everything in her power to win that bet and drive him away forever.

Remember, always make sure to answer these questions:

What does your protagonist have to do?

Why is she the only one who can do it?

What/who is standing in her way?

What happens if she doesn't succeed?

After:

Taylor Caldwell can't decide if she wants to kiss her new college roommate or punch him.

On the one hand, Hunter Zaccadelli is a handsome, blue-eyed bundle of charm. On the other, he's a tattooed, guitar-playing bundle of bad boy. Maybe that's why Taylor's afraid of falling in love with him, or anyone else. She doesn't want to get burned, and even though her other roommates adore him, she wants him gone before it's too late.

Hunter himself has been been burned before, but the fact that Taylor calls him out on his crap and has the sexiest laugh ever make him decide maybe love isn't a lost cause. They make a bet: if she can convince him she truly loves or hates him, he'll leave the apartment--and leave her alone. The problem is, the more time they spend together, the less she hates him, and the more she moves toward love.

But when the man who holds the key to Taylor's fear of giving up her heart resurfaces and threatens to wreck everything, she has to decide: trust Hunter with her greatest secret, or do everything in her power to win that bet and drive him away forever.

I'd love to help you with your blurb!

New Before/After: "Myth Weaver"

Today's before/after is David J. Normoyle's Myth Weaver.

Before:

The Norse and Greek mythologies are about to collide and Jagger is stuck in the middle.

"A must read for anyone fascinated with the legends and myths of old."

When Jagger's daydream world becomes a battleground for Odin and Zeus, the edges of reality begin to blur. A contest of myths is formed where Norse is pitted against Greek. Jagger is Perseus as he cuts off Medusa's head and Loki as he schemes against Thor and the other gods. And that's nothing to what he faces in his first year in university. Can ancient truths help Jagger in the real world?

"The retelling of the stories of the gods are cleverly intertwined with a student's own quest with coping with life."

A young adult fantasy novel.

After:

Eighteen-year-old Jagger Burns lives so much in his head that his guardian wonders if she should commit him. In the real world, he's shy, he's an orphan and he's just failed his college exams. His imaginary world feels safer. When he enrolls in a mythology class, Greek and Norse myths fill Jagger's daydreams; they become so real that Zeus's thunderbolts leave phantom burns behind. These gods have ideas of their own; they're guiding Jagger back to reality.

Each myth he relives in his imaginary world teaches Jagger more about living in the real world. With Loki and Prometheus to help him, he begins to re-enter life and gets a job on the student newspaper. But when his reporting uncovers a dangerous crime ring, he'll need everything the gods can teach him to survive. Otherwise, he'll either dream away the rest of his life in an institution, or wind up dead.

I'd love to help you with your blurb!

New Before/After: "Land of Myth (The Dragon Wars Saga)

Today's before/after is Becka Sutton's first book in the Dragon Wars Saga series, Land of Myth.

Before:

Weird events have beset the Stevens Quadruplets since infancy. But nothing can prepare them for the day they open their door and find another world outside. A world inhabited by intelligent mythical creatures, most of whom are hostile to humanity. And it seems they are expected to save it from its ancient enemy – the dragons.

Even with the help of their bonded ‘heart friends’ can they save both this strange, new world and Earth when the people they are trying to help want to kill them?

After:

The four Stevens kids have been odd since birth; they're quadruplets, after all. But that's only the beginning. Lydia is pyrokinetic. Karen has dangerous gaps in her memory. Daniel is hiding something dark and sinister from the others. And cryokinetic Andrew is obsessed with the paranormal for a reason: monsters have chased them, showers have turned to blood, and roads sometimes don't lead where they should.

Perhaps they should have expected it when three of them open a door and find another world beyond it.

Dragons threaten this world, where almost every inhabitant--every mythical creature Earth's peoples think they've dreamed up--hates humanity. Even so, Karen, Andrew and Lydia discover three creatures who love them have been waiting there. Through a mystical bond, these "heart friends" can access the quads' powers and fight the dragons. But powerful forces are trying to keep the kids and their heart friends apart--and if they succeed, it spells disaster for both Earth and the world beyond the door.

I'd love to help you with your blurb!

New before/after: "Nocturnal"

Today's before/after is the first one-shot I've featured. The one-shot service is a thorough once-through of your blurb; I may be able to rewrite it, or depending on what you've given me I may only be able to make suggestions, give possible examples based on what I do know, and give you questions to answer.

This blurb is for Chelsea M. Cameron's book Nocturnal, the first of the three Noctalis Chronicles books. I did one-shots for all three of the books, and I'll be featuring them all here in coming days. This is the second blurb we've worked on together. After we finished this one, here's what Chelsea has to say about working with me:

Wahoo! Sooo much better. You're magical. ... The first blurb you did has been more effective than I ever could have dreamed.

Thanks, Chelsea!

For one-shots, I'm going to show you what the client gave me initially, what I sent back, and what the client eventually came up with. Things I put in [[brackets]] are questions I have or incomplete information the client needs to fill in.

Before

Seventeen-year-old Ava-Claire Sullivan isn't one for doing the expected. Especially when she finds out her mother's cancer is terminal. After a crying session in the local cemetery where she's attacked by one strange guy and saved by another, she doesn't call the cops. Because those guys definitely weren't your average hooligans. 

And the one who sort-of saved her? Well, he's odd. He doesn't seem to breathe or smile or have anything better to do than wait in the cemetery for Ava to come back, which she does. Morbid curiosity? Even after he warns her that he's dangerous, she can't stop wanting to see him, talk to him, be with him.

There's just something about Peter that provides a much-needed escape from her mother's diagnosis and her tenuous relationship with her father. Her best friends, Jamie and Texas, don't know what it's like to face death. Peter does; he already has. But a promise he made a long time ago could destroy both of them.

When everything in your life is falling apart, what are you willing to give up to hold onto the one thing that could last forever?


One-Shot Consultation
Seventeen-year-old Ava-Claire Sullivan's mother is dying. Perhaps it's no surprise, then, that her greatest solace comes from someone who's already dead.

Peter [[last name?]] saves her one night in a graveyard from an attacker just as strange as he is, and now Ava-Claire can't stop thinking about him. She wants to see him again--even after he warns her against himself, and she begins to realize what he is. Her best friends don't know anything about death, but Peter does, intimately. He's waiting for her [[whenever/every night]] she comes to the cemetery. 

But their growing bond comes up against a promise Peter made a long time ago, a promise that could destroy them both. Now Ava-Claire has to decide just what she's willing to give up to hold onto the one thing that could last forever.


After
Seventeen-year-old Ava-Claire Sullivan's mother is dying. Perhaps it's no surprise, then, that her greatest solace comes from someone who's already dead. 

 Peter Hart saves her one night in a graveyard from an attacker just as strange as he is, and now Ava can't stop thinking about him. She wants to see him again - even after he warns her he's dangerous, and she begins to realize what he is. Her best friends don't know anything about death, but Peter does, intimately. He's waiting for her the next night she comes to the cemetery, and the next... 

 But their growing bond comes up against a promise Peter made a long time ago, a promise that could destroy them both. Now Ava has to decide just what she's willing to give up to hold onto the one thing that could last forever.

I'd love to help you with your blurb!

New Before/After: Feels Like the First Time

Today's before/after is Shawn Inmon's Feels Like the First Time, a true love story set in the '70s and the modern day.

Before:

September, 1975: Shawn meets Dawn, his one true love, when she moves into the vacant house next door.  Many people spend their life searching in vain for happiness, but he was lucky; finding it at the age of fifteen.

February 1979: Forbidden to see each other and feeling he is harming her by being in her life, he walks away from the love of his life, seemingly forever.

December, 2006: After decades of sadness and mourning the girl that got away, he has a chance meeting with her that might change his life forever… again. Can the sweet bond of first love not only survive, but flourish?

Feels Like the First Time lets you share in the magic of young love in small town America in the 1970s.  No matter how much the world changes, some things – timeless music, high school dances, making out in the backseat of a Chevy Vega, and of course true love – will always remain the same.

After:

His name was Shawn, hers was Dawn, and when they found one another in 1975 they knew it was forever--even though they were only 15. But they have only four years together until they're forbidden to see one another. Shawn walks away from their small town, convinced he's nothing but trouble for the love of his life.

Decades pass, and Shawn never forgets her. When he runs into Dawn out of the blue, they must discover whether it really can feel like the first time--or whether true love only happens in the songs of their youth. 

I'd love to help you with your blurb!

New before/after: A World Apart

Today's before/after is David Brown's A World Apart, the second book in the Elencheran Chronicles series. I also wrote the blurb for the first book, Fezariu's Ephiphany. Here's what we did together:

Before:
Demetrius, Elenya and Halcyon thought they'd be friends for life - but love easily gets in the way of friendship.  Misunderstandings, pride and childish folly see the trio split and Demetrius heading out into the world alone. 

Years later none of them have the lives they dreamed of. Halcyon has followed Elena into piracy, a life much more suited to her wild ways. Demetrius has fallen from grace: no longer a decorated soldier, he is forced to become a bounty hunter. Elena has embraced magic - but magic in Elenchera has a devasting price.

When Demetrius receives an assignment to track down Elenchera's most famous pirate, will love or duty rule his heart in the end?

After:
Demetrius makes his first mistake when he lets his best friend Halcyon marry Eleyna, the love of his life, without saying a word. On the day of the wedding, he walks away from the Elencheran town of Dove's Meadow and joins the army.

He makes his second mistake when the pirate Black Iris tricks him into letting dozens of men, women and children die in a fire. Demetrius is imprisoned in grief and disgrace.

But he can atone. The Black Iris is dead. The Ivory Rose has risen to the top of the pirates and is leading brutal raids on the coast. If Demetrius can capture and kill her, he'll win his pardon.

And then Demetrius discovers the Ivory Rose is Eleyna. He must decide which will be his third mistake: Losing his last chance at a pardon, or destroying the one woman he's ever loved.

I'd love to help you with your blurb!

Before/after: "Tangled Ties to a Manatee"

Today's before/after is Kalen Capp's "Tangled Ties to a Manatee," and boy, this was a toughie! Kalen and I really worked hard on this one. His novel is from multiple points of view, and when he says "tangled," he means it. We're talking cast of thousands and intersecting plot lines, all of it coming back to that manatee. (Sounds like one of my books, except for the manatee part.)

Anyway, here's what we came up with together:

Before:

Though having little in common, Cecily and Janelle, two college coeds, become fast friends while negotiating teacher crushes, exams, working, and dealing with Vera, a tarot-reading obsessed nonprofit executive. Vera’s more worried about her Environmental Retreat Center, which is being secretly investigated as a cult, than she is about her missing nephew, Jerry, a developmentally disabled young man who works at a coffee shop the coeds frequent.

After stumbling upon two con men’s headquarters, Jerry is held captive by them. They are working on the biggest scam of their lives. The scam impacts everyone nearby, including Jerry’s favorite animal at Grove City zoo, Ankh, the lone pregnant manatee in Ohio.

By helping Vera, have Cecily and Janelle become involved in the goings on of a cult, or is there something more explosive involved in the electrical grid’s sabotaging scheme Jerry’s captors have initiated? Either way, the girls and their friends all find they have tangled ties to a pregnant manatee in danger.

Tangled Ties to a Manatee is a multiple-POV General Fiction work of 106,000 words. The frequent reader who appreciates an interwoven storyline will enjoy this eco-themed novel. A small number of protagonists interact among friends, family, and acquaintances within a metropolitan community. The crisp dialogue provides for a down-to-earth interplay of new adults and other characters as relationships begin, deepen, and shatter over an extended weekend. This quick-paced read unfolds with a choreographed ensemble of characters while story threads stretch and interweave to a denouement that ultimately connects all involved.


After:

A pregnant manatee is rare at any zoo, and a first for the Grove City Zoo in Ohio. Ankh is a delight to zoo patrons, a concern to its staff, and the unintentional victim of two con men. She has no idea how many human relationships, problems, and dreams tangle around her.

Jerry is a young developmentally disabled man who happily follows Ankh's pregnancy on the zoo's webcam. He has a shy crush on Janelle, a pretty college student who volunteers for his group home’s outings to the zoo.

Jerry's Aunt Vera also loves nature and runs an environmental retreat center. But all is not well, with Vera or the center. The center needs money and is under investigation as a cult.

Amid their college studies, Janelle and her friend Cecily try to help. Instead, Janelle re-awakens an old obsession in Vera when an innocent tarot reading hints at how the center might be saved.

Two bumbling con men are attempting to sabotage the region’s electrical grid as part of a lucrative scheme. But Jerry accidentally gets in their way and becomes their captive.

When the con men surprisingly succeed in bringing the grid down, it spells danger for Ankh, her unborn pup, and the many people tied to them both. With investigations of their own, Cecily and Janelle try to untangle it all to find Jerry, save a manatee’s life, and rescue Vera from herself.

I'd love to help you with your blurb!