Wednesday, November 7, 2012

New One-Shot: Chelsea Cameron's NYT Best Seller "My Favorite Mistake"

Chelsea Cameron is a repeat customer like whoa. I'm currently working on our fifth book description together, and our first full-fledged collaboration. The previous four were one-shots, where I take a look at the current description, give it as good a shake as I can, ask a bunch of questions, point out weak spots and give the best advice I can to help the author finish the blurb themselves. Chelsea's always been a champ at finishing up a great blurb (scroll down into the earlier posts to find another one-shot I did with her).

My Favorite Mistake is the fourth one-shot I did for Chelsea. Imagine how happy I was for her when I got this email from Chelsea a couple of days ago:


I wanted to tell you that since we last talked, My Favorite Mistake (complete with the blurb you helped me write) has made the New York Times Best Seller list, as well as the USA Today Best Seller list! ...  I just wanted to thank you so much for all your help. I know this book wouldn't have been so successful without your help.

Thanks, Chelsea, it's always fun to work on a blurb with you! Here's the process Chelsea and I went through to get her blurb just how she wanted it.

Before:
Taylor Caldwell is angry, broken and afraid to love. She doesn't want to get burned.
Hunter Zaccadelli is cocky, charming and refuses to love. He's been burned before.

When she opens the door of her new campus apartment to meet her new roommate, Taylor isn't expecting Hunter. Within thirty seconds of their meeting, she knows she wants him gone ASAP. A boy like Hunter with his tattoos, guitar and constant sexual innuendos, is nothing but bad news. Especially when he starts turning up everywhere she goes.

The only problem is, Hunter's not leaving. Not without a fight. He manages to charm their two other roommates, Renee and Darah, but Taylor's not buying it. 

Then Hunter offers Taylor a proposition she can't refuse. If she can make him believe that she truly loves him, or truly hates him, he'll leave. As Taylor struggles to win the bet, she starts getting closer to Hunter and finds there's more to him than his devastating blue eyes and a mouth she can't decide if she wants to punch or kiss.

Hunter has a past, a dark one, but so does Taylor. When Taylor's secret threatens to resurface in her life, in the form of her older sister's ex-boyrfriend, she finds the one person who understands might be the first boy to ever set her heart on fire, and she might be the girl to help him realize love is not a lost cause.

Consultation, with existing/suggested wording in italics and my comments in plain text:
Taylor Caldwell can't decide if she wants to kiss her new college roommate or punch him.

On the one hand, Hunter Zaccadelli is a handsome, blue-eyed bundle of charm. On the other, he's a tattooed, guitar-playing bundle of bad boy. Maybe that's why Taylor's afraid of falling in love with him, or anyone else. She doesn't want to get burned, and even though her other roommates adore him she wants him gone before it's too late.

Hunter himself has been been burned before, but [something specific about Taylor other than her looks or in addition to them] makes him decide maybe love isn't a lost cause. They make a bet: if she can convince him she truly hates him, he'll leave the apartment--and leave her alone. The problem is, the more time they spend together, the less she hates him.

Problems with the last paragraph:

Hunter has a past, a dark one, but so does Taylor. When Taylor's secret threatens to resurface in her life, in the form of her older sister's ex-boyfriend, she finds the one person who understands might be the first boy to ever set her heart on fire, and she might be the girl to help him realize love is not a lost cause.

Dark pasts are cliche. Get a little more specific. What does the ex-boyfriend have to do with it? Start there and make the wording more active. Possibility, with assumptions you'll need to correct:

But when the man who holds the key to Taylor's fear of heartbreak resurfaces and threatens to wreck everything, she has to decide: trust Hunter with her greatest secret, or do everything in her power to win that bet and drive him away forever.

Remember, always make sure to answer these questions:
What does your protagonist have to do?
Why is she the only one who can do it?
What/who is standing in her way?
What happens if she doesn't succeed?

After:
Taylor Caldwell can't decide if she wants to kiss her new college roommate or punch him.

On the one hand, Hunter Zaccadelli is a handsome, blue-eyed bundle of charm. On the other, he's a tattooed, guitar-playing bundle of bad boy. Maybe that's why Taylor's afraid of falling in love with him, or anyone else. She doesn't want to get burned, and even though her other roommates adore him, she wants him gone before it's too late.

Hunter himself has been been burned before, but the fact that Taylor calls him out on his crap and has the sexiest laugh ever make him decide maybe love isn't a lost cause. They make a bet: if she can convince him she truly loves or hates him, he'll leave the apartment--and leave her alone. The problem is, the more time they spend together, the less she hates him, and the more she moves toward love.

But when the man who holds the key to Taylor's fear of giving up her heart resurfaces and threatens to wreck everything, she has to decide: trust Hunter with her greatest secret, or do everything in her power to win that bet and drive him away forever.